Friday, September 3, 2010

How Life Has Changed

How life has changed me. It seems I've awoken from my Twilight dreaming to real life. I'm no longer entrenched in those four books until 4am every night, and please don't stake me for this, but I'm not really drooling over vampires anymore either. Don't get me wrong, I went to see Eclipse - really enjoyed it - and I'm heartily looking forward to Breaking Dawn. I still wear my moonstone ring and proudly display my "Warning: I drive like a Cullen" license plate frame. But real life has dawned on me over the last few months and here I am.

Living as a newly single mom has meant a lot of changes, especially when it comes to finances. I can't afford anything extra anymore, so for instance I've had to cancel my reservation in Forks. In between paychecks I've had to sell a bunch of stuff on Craigslist just to make the ends meet. Now I'm always scanning the house for other things I can squeeze some green out of.

Juggling child care has complicated things greatly, too. This whole week was a gap between summer day camp and school, so I had to spend the rest of my vacation to stay home with the kids. Not complaining, it just is what it is. I was actually hoping to save my vacation, get paid out at the end of the year and put that money away. But I guess everyone needs a rest, so it's probably good that I was forced into it.

I never expected this, never even entertained the thought of single parenthood - probably because it scared me too much. I had it so good, divorce would never happen to me. Shaw, then I woke up and smelled the coffee! It probably should have happened sooner, but back then I didn't have kids so I was content to put up with the bullshit. If I still didn't have them, I would still be there. But having the kids now has given me a higher purpose, with two other people to think about and care for besides myself. They deserve better. Well, at least better than what they were getting.

I was already out of touch with my own relatives, but now my husband's family has all but fallen off the face of the earth. Sucks mostly for the kids. I thought they would at least offer to help with child care, but it seems that despite how saintly they've always claimed to be about it, they still treat their adopted grandkids/niece/nephew differently.

How life has changed. After the kids are in bed at night, in their OWN rooms finally, I can be found paying bills at the kitchen table or curled up on the couch alone catching up on old episodes of True Blood. It aint glamorous, but it's my life.

And this just says it all now...

Still love you long time,


  1. tracee,
    sorry to hear you can't make it to Forks. Glad to hear you are such a good mom that you put your kids first and are doing what you need to do for them. So glad you checked in with us to let us know how you are doing.

    Strong coffee is the best coffee!!!

  2. @TT - You rock, sistah. Thank you for your support. I guess my little blog was never meant to rock the world or anything. So it's nice to at least have a few friends who are pretty damn cool chicas.

  3. Well, we will miss you in Forks (I will wave as I drive through Olympia, though!), but you have to do what's right for you and your kids and kudos to you for that. I'm sure you're an awesome single Mom, and I respect the Hell out of you for everything you're doing for yourself and your little ones!!

    I also love the new blog-look/banner!!

  4. Sounds like your priorities are right. I've been a single mom and know how rough it can be. We can hang out together while the "lucky ones" are in Forks.

    Got two words for you FanFiction. It's free adult entertainment for after the kids are in bed. If you haven't read any, I can make some recommendations.