Sunday, February 13, 2011

How to Live "Miserably Ever After"

Don't talk.

Keep secrets.

Constantly try to please your partner.

Ignore your own needs.

Avoid conflict at all costs so you can keep the peace.

Allow your partner to disrespect you without any consequence.

Ignore the fact that whenever you cry, your partner walks away from you.

If you don't like something in the relationship, don't ask your partner for anything - change yourself.

If changing yourself hasn't worked and you're still unhappy, get medication.

After you find out your partner has been cheating on you, insist on visiting a pastor together. Listen to that pastor when he says your partner's cheating is your fault because of the weight you've gained.

Have kids together, because everyone knows how that will make things perfect.

Stand by your partner and remain supportive even as they are driving you into the ground financially trying to make their business work.

Wait at least 12 years for your partner to make an effort to improve their half of the relationship.

When you get sick of waiting, get out. But remember that means you'll now be a single parent and be ready to enjoy all the misery that brings.

Saturday, February 12, 2011

First Valentine's Day since the "split"

No, it has nothing to do with a banana split or a rip in my jeans. I mean since I separated from my ex. Anyway, I'm not sure what to think of this Valentine's Day. I've kind of always been one who hates the holiday as a whole, the commercial-ness of it, the nauseating Lifetime movies, the way it pressures men into forced displays of affection, the way it makes single people feel like shit. But deep down, I would be devastated if my significant other didn't do something for me. By the same token one time I got supremely pissed when my ex got me the same exact musical teddy bear holding a rose two years in a row! I hated it the first time, especially since I had always told him NOT to waste money on cheesy stuffed animals or cut flowers - I've never liked either. The stuffed animals always end up collecting dust in a closet and the cut flowers always wilt and die.

Now, I'm not exactly single this year but I am unsure about so many things. What I'm struggling with is to not analyze things to death, not demand constant reassurances from people or life, but to just simply enjoy where I am right now. I have a few very big things that will take quite a while to resolve, but I can't wait until they're resolved to move on with my life.

So I'll be helping my kids write out their class Valentine's cards this weekend. And trying to just enjoy the days.

Happy hearts day bitches!

aka TooMuchCoffee