Sunday, April 11, 2010

What's Your Stripper Name? - A little game

Yeah, I figured this pic would get your attention. Horny bitches. Robward stripping has inspired me to host a little game called...

What's Your Stripper Name?

Firstly, a WARNING: This is probably the post where my blog finally crosses the treaty line between somewhat horny and frustrated to full on slutty, shameless adult material. (I know, hanging around all you Twi-hoors, it was bound to happen eventually.) I can't promise full on nudity, but there will be suggestions of it.
So if you're under 18 or easily offended, support search and rescue - get lost!

"Coffee, I want to play the stripper game!"
"Oh yes, love, you can play along, too.
But keep your coat on...for now.
Your TwiBitches are going to strip for you this time."

We all know Rob is a red-blooded male who likes to occassionally have nekkid chics jiggle their bits for him see a good show.
Exhibit A...

Not long ago, in a town not so far away, Rob was spied taking a "break"
from his grueling filming schedule at a titty bar a gentlemen's club.

So being the devoted Robward fans that we are, I figure we should brush up a bit and be prepared to service his desires. So you may be thinking, "Coffee, what does it take to be a stripper? How can I dance nekkid for Rob get Rob to notice me?" Well, I don't really know everything because my "Stripper Academy" video has not arrived yet. But I've put together a quick little list of things I think we might need:

1. A good pair of pasties

No, not THAT kind of pasty!
(This pic came up first when I Googled "pasties". Bah!)

Yes, like that. And a sparkly thong to match of course.

2. Some kick ass stripper shoes, or boots (for Mrs.P of course)

The tip shoe is handy, dontcha think? Gotta have somewhere to keep all the bills Rob will be throwing at us! That's just smart stripping, I don't care who you are.

3. A stripper pole

And last, but not least...

4. A good stripper name

Here's how to come up with a name that will make you both sexy and memorable to the Precious:

First name = the name of your first pet.
Last name = the name of the street you lived on when you had that pet.
(Note: If the street is a number, then pick another street you lived on that had an actual name.)

So, for example, MY stripper name is:

Suzette Grandview

Share your stripper name in the comments. And you know, we're all so hot we really should open up our own place or at least take the show on the road. Let's come up with a good name for our new girlie review.


  1. I actually have those tip shoes! They ARE smart! Money stays dry!

    LMAO SO much reading this!

    Diamond Park

    Oh yes, that's a name that sparkles forever!

    I missed hearing Rob had an extracurricular excursion. Lucky stripper b*tches!

  2. BJ Malcolm LMAO! Great post hun! Watch for my shout out to you soon xoxo ....
    ohhhhh I just spotted the post below! Kellan here I come ;)

  3. Ok, I have the worst stipper name ever. Derek Greenleaf. It's not even a girls name. Oh, well, I got big boobs though, so maybe my name won't matter.

  4. OMG! Diamond Park & BJ Malcolm

    YES! Those are perfect stripper names!

    Derek Greenleaf...hmmm...sounds like a guy stripper who wears nothing but a leaf... Hey, I could bend the rules a bit and let you switch it around:

    Greenleaf Derek

    There ya go! That works for a girl! And your pasties could be in the shape of leaves.

  5. LMAO - my stripper name would be:

    Guinness Lambert

    Seeeeee-xxxy. ;)
    This post was funny. Thanks for the laugh!

  6. ooo I've played this game before. It's so much fun! My stripper name is Cuddles Pamela. SeXXXy!

    Two of my favorites are my dad's and LizardStew's husband's. They are: Weenie Monroe and Spanky Shorewood.

  7. it is!

    "Fluffy Sequoia"


  8. @Coffee: Hmmm has that whole Eve of the garden thing to it. haha

    @Mrs. P: Uber hilarious!! Fluffy Sequoia! It sounds so funny. But it also sounds like some kind of condition. Example:
    "So where is Sarah today?"
    "At home."
    "Oh, is she sick?"
    "Yeah, she's down with fluffy seqouia again."

  9. @Diamond - Yes, he did indeed. Brandi's is a club in Vancouver, BC. Rumor has it that he kept requesting the same girl for private lap dances. I wonder if he was a good tipper...?

    @BJ - I'll be watching...

    @Greenleaf - I see you as a sexy meadow fairy or forest nymph.
    OMG, I laughed so hard at the fluffy sequoia condition - Gee, I hope it's not serious!

    @Guinness - That's a good name, so many men love that beer! They'll just want to drink you up! But when you're dancing for Rob you'll probly want to change it to Heineken. mmm-kay?

    @Cuddles - Your name is so cuuuuute! LMAO at Spanky Shorewood.

    @Fluffy - LMAO, that name is too funny!

  10. Yes! sign me up for meadow fairy. But it has to be a particular meadow with a particular hawt vamire. hehe

  11. Ooops, I put vamire. haha I totally meant vampire, but you probably got that.

  12. LMAO, those stripper names are awesome, but you're gonna shit your pants for sho when you read mine (FYI, for the street name I'll use the one I lived on while in Ottawa, cause Serbian streets wouldn't sound as good).

    Archibald Meadowlands


    My first pet was a turtle, btw.

  13. @Archi - That's actually not bad. That could be one of your featured talents, how well you can "arch" yourself. Like a sexy contortionist kinda thing...? Some guys dig it.

    hee hee - these are so much fun!

  14. Bahahahaaaa!!! This post is fucklarious! I'm waaaaaayyyyy late to this stripfest, but my name is Neighbor Wells.

    I named my goldfish after watching Mr. Rogers.

    Well, at least I can imagine Rob saying "Hellllooooo Neighbor!"
    And then I give him a private dance in the back room...


  15. LMFAO at everyone's names. And, Helloooooooo, neighbor, indeed. Hopefully we won't all come down with Fluffy Sequoia. I am now actually crying from laughing so hard. Phew!

  16. Hey Neighbor! So glad you stopped by. Wanna ride the trolley to the Land of Make Believe and see what E's doing with Rob today?

    Yay!!! *jumps & claps hands* I'm so glad I could make you guys laugh! Cuz if you don't laugh, you'll cry. Or if you laugh hard enough you'll cry anyway...well, whatever.

  17. OMG, TMC, you're totes right. I can arch myself like a true contortionist. My body is extremely flexible. Never thought of that before.

  18. hmmm. well i'm glad i get to pick a new last name because cinnamon rural route 1 doesn't sound right. of course cinnamon glenwood doesn't have quite the ring to it that i might want either. although maybe if i was willing to dress in drag and work in one of those clubs the tips would probably be better than using that name to be employed at a chippendales.

    this post was hilarious! and all of the other names were great. loved not only the "tip heels" but the fact that they were clear since the clear heel is a standard part of the stripper uniform.

    oh...and, um... LOVED the boots pic you had here. gooddamn if i don't love me some boots!!!

    if you ladies ever do take this show on the road, let me know! WOOO!!!! :)

  19. YAY!! *jumps and claps hands some more* Mr.Pantz commented on my blog. Oh, I'm not worthy!

    I'm lovin' all of it! Especially the fact that Diamond Park (aka TongueTwied) says she actually HAS a pair of those stripper tip shoes. Got me curious...

  20. Okay. How did I not know you had a blog until today? I finally clicked on your blogger name to check out your profile and found it. Talk about late to the party!! And any post with Beanie Rob in the Stoli shirt (sexpenders just out of sight btw) is a total WIN for me.

    Wow, I really have to dig for a stripper name.

    First Pet: Tippy
    Street when I had him: Third
    Street I live on now: 149th
    Street I lived on when I first got married: Main

    I guess that would make it Tippy Main??


  21. "Sesame Veil"

    I will leave the tea leaf reading for meaning to the local who know me ;)

  22. hey - my name is actually Derrek Greenleaf - you match! but I am a guy... and don't strip often.
    Derrek Greenleaf

  23. I have just downloaded iStripper, and now I enjoy having the best virtual strippers getting naked on my desktop.